Here’s the Truth: I Struggled with Food for a Long Time

To me, it wasn’t disordered eating. Skipping lunch in high school and eating one small yogurt cup at home after school was because school lunch was bad. Watching my friends, the ones I labeled as ‘thin’ or ‘able to eat whatever they wanted without worrying,’ enjoying french fries while I used sheer willpower to turn them down was tough. It wasn’t an disordered eating, though.

I came home for Passover one year after my first winter of really getting into backcountry skiing. I was a sophomore in college. Someone commented, “You look good, like you lost the baby fat.” I hadn’t even realized I still had baby fat. Later, walking past a full-length mirror in blue jeans and a fitted striped top, I paused. I did look good. And by “good,” I meant skinny.

The reality was, I would spend full days in the backcountry without eating enough. I didn’t know how to fuel myself as an athlete. On the drive home after long days out, I would skip snacks—no chips or pretzels like my friends—because I wanted to eat a “healthier” meal once I got home. But by the time I made it home, I was so hungry I’d slam a bowl of yogurt before even sitting down.

I was restricting myself, and that restriction often led to binging. Granola, for example, became something I’d eat by the handful, sneaking mouthfuls as if someone was going to take it away from me. I’d eat until my stomach felt bloated and uncomfortable, and I wouldn’t be hungry for dinner. I’d eat dinner anyway.

Since college, I’ve leaned even more into endurance sports—and I eat a lot now. I know what foods bother my stomach (it’s a sensitive one), when I can and can’t eat certain things, and how much food I need to keep going. I’ve transitioned from strictly homemade trail snacks to embracing Pop-Tarts and Cheez-Its because they work for my body, and let’s be honest, they taste great. I’ve gone from denying myself that baked good I can’t stop staring at to fully enjoying it on a skin track or during the drive home from an adventure. I’ve stopped telling myself, “I don’t need to eat, I’m almost to the car,” and started telling myself that I need to stay on track with my intake.

The truth is, I’m still working on it. There are times when I don’t eat the cookie I really want. But I’ve made huge improvements. Dessert isn’t something I earn—it’s something I enjoy. By educating myself about how much food I actually need and allowing myself to eat the foods I crave, I don’t binge anymore. I can eat one or two cookies instead of eating until I feel sick. I say no to dessert when I genuinely don’t want it, not because I think I shouldn’t have it.

I could share more about how I still look at my stomach in the mirror and focus on the parts I don’t love. Or how, in college, I would go to bed hungry, thinking, “If I just fall asleep, it won’t matter.”

But a big difference for me was education. Understanding the why behind my food choices—how they support me, why I need more calories, and what foods fuel me best—has changed everything. Education has given me a healthier approach to eating and a more compassionate relationship with my body.

I’ve gained weight since college. When I step on the scale now, the number still shocks me sometimes. But then I look at my thighs, strong and full of muscle, and remember they carry me through incredible adventures. Most importantly, I’m healthy, I’m strong, and I’m happy.

Neve is part of my evolution with food. It’s about fueling myself properly on adventures in a way that works for me. But Neve is also so much more. It’s an olive branch, a message that you can eat fun and unique foods even when you’re way out there. That ‘energy foods’ can feel welcoming, not intimidating. That you can show up as your true self in the outdoors. Maybe Neve doesn’t mean all of that to you, and that’s okay. But to me, Neve is a love story—to the mountains, to my friends, and to a life outside, filled with adventure, smiles, and shared memories.

In the end, the truth is that I love food. I love cooking meals for friends and baking intricate pastries. I love experimenting with flavors and ingredients. And frankly, I love to eat. What a privilege it is to savor flavors and textures, share deep conversations over an incredible bowl of food, or enjoy a pastry on a mountain top with a breathtaking view and so many smiles.